this way to heidi
A window into my soul, a doorway to my world. Sharing whatever experiences i have and encounter in this mad, mad, mad world
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Why do I keep doing this to myself? :/
Posted:Sep 18, 2018 11:29 pm
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2018 3:45 am

Heck, I wasn't sure I wanted to post this. Especially following up my earlier post. Cos two posts in a day?! That's an absurd, too much time spent in here!

Uh....oh! Right. I was saying. Some fantasies should remain as such, fantasies. There has been Soo many examples of trying to fulfil them, only to have them be ruined to the point where it's not even fun to have them in your head anymore

There's a Caribbean-themed restaurant/bar that I've frequented a few times in the last week or so. I had friend in town and she liked the food so we've been there three times in the last week. There's a young black guy working behind the counter that's quite cute. We chatted for a bit on my second visit and I find out he's actually from Trinidad and Tobago. That has nothing to do with anything, except that I found that to be interesting. What a long way have travelled, but I guess work beckons. So anyhow, my last trip, he gave me his number but I never called, or texted.

I have toyed with the idea though, but mostly, cos I didn't get to hook up properly with my fwb (who's also a young, black guy) when I was last back in Singapore. So I figured, this must be me just looking for a substitute. I gave it a pass. Yesterday, late afternoon I was in the supermarket and I noticed this tall, athletic looking guy from the corner of my eye. I didn't look properly cos I didn't want to be too obvious. This guy then walked over and tapped me on the shoulder. Turns out, it was my T&T (that's Trinidad and Tobago) from the Caribbean Club.

He asked if I would join him for a drink at a nearby bar for a quick drink before he had to run home to get ready for his shift at night. I honestly didn't think it would take long, so I agreed. We sat on one of the tables outside and we had a cocktail (I have no idea what it's called, but it was pretty good. And it packed a punch ) and basically watched people go by as we talked. There were a few people that walked past from the beach and he motioned towards a few ladies that past, and mentioned to me how he really liked the side bob. Like he preferred that over the conventional cleavage. I chipped in as well, and of course the subject matter got more sexual as it progressed.

This went on for a while more before he mentioned that he actually lived close by (it wasn't that close). He asked if I should like to keep the conversation going while we went back to his place so he could change and get ready for work. I thought, fuck it. Let's do this. So off we went. We got back to his place and on the way up the stairs, he was tugging at my shorts. He tugged them low enough it came down halfway, and he saw that I wasn't wearing underwear. He rushed me through the front door, bent me over a table, pulled my shorts all the way down and started eating me out. I felt a bit self conscious cos, well, you know. I would have liked time to prep

But I got distracted by how....haphazard he was down there. He was licking me one second, then tongue fucking me, then licking my ass. All in the space of a few seconds. He got up, pulled my top off and directed me down to his dick. I was already kind put off, but I thought, okay...lets just go with it for now. I pulled his pants down and his dick sprang up, literally, like a spring. Before I even went close, I could smell him. I can't believe I actually thought about it But I finally told him no, lets go shower together. This whole sweat and pee stench, not doing it for me.

We jumped in the shower, and it was tiny, so we kinda took turns. I just made sure his dick was scrubbed clean and led him back to into the living room. We passed his kitchen when he grabbed me by my waist and lifted me up onto his dining table. He came in closer and I told him to go grab the rubber. He was all, "oh, I don't have any." So I told him, look, I don't know you. Well, barely know you. You're cute and all, but no rubber, Nooooooo waaaay. He started whining about how he didn't have time to run down to get. I'm like, that (pointing to his dick) ain't going nowhere near this (pointing to mu own crotch) without protection.

He looked like he was about to either cry, or explode in fury, which was actually, quite scary. He just whined a little more and we ended up laughing. He then offered to finger me off while I jerked him off, but he was waaaaaay too.....rough and clumsy (the stick two fingers and jam and yank as hard and fast as you can technique. Seriously. Where do they get this? Where does it say that do THAT immediately and it will feel good -_- ) It was horrible. I told him to stop, and I played with his dick a little bit but he too couldn't cum. I got dressed and left. I didn't even bother waiting for him to leave together.

So yeah, THAT didn't go well. At ALL.
There's no sense left in sense
Posted:Sep 18, 2018 10:27 pm
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2018 3:45 am

Sigh. Okay, here we go. A good friend of mine came over for a visit a few days ago. Normally I'd be more than happy to have her around, but the circumstances that preluded her trip out wasn't....good, to say the least. She's getting a divorce, after more than 20 years of marriage.

Now I suppose divorces are common enough these days, but this one hit me kinda hard, firstly cos she's a very close friend of mine, and mainly, cos I didn't see this one coming. I had last met them in the tail end of last year and I knew they have had problems, but they seemed like they would work around or past it. I really wasn't expecting them to split. Also, rather selfishly, I kinda felt sucker-punched by her situation cos it reminded me of my own. The husband and I are still on a break from each other and it has been more than a month.

We see each other, but very sparingly, with his constant travels on top of my own. But we FaceTime and text each other a few times a day, and that seems to be working out. We are still working through a few things, but. guess the good news is, we are working on them. But anyhow, back to my friend's visit.

By the time she made it out here they had already filed and her now soon-to-be ex husband was packing all his things to move out. To facilitate that she flew out here for a few days. She called me a few days prior to arriving, told me her story, and of course, I promptly went out to meet her. She had booked a villa in Seminyak area, which is relatively far off from where I am, so I stayed with her for a few days. She told me what happened, there was no exchange of ideas, no cry on the shoulder, none of that. I was there just for support. We went out shopping, went to several beaches, and even hit some clubs. There was no booty calls, although, to be honest, I was half expecting it

But anyhow, that's my earthquake on top of the earthquakes I've had to experience lately

On a side note, we were lazing on one of the beaches one morning and she had got her phone out to take a picture of something. It reminded me of how many pictures she used to take, and so I asked if she was still sending pictures in for bikini contests. She used to be a regular contributor to a few online bikini contests, and even received quite a few free swimsuits as a result.

What she told me next was a bit of a shocker. She told me the swimwear companies that ran these on-going contests, had banned her. For showing too much skin. -_- I mean, Really?! Its a barking bikini contest!! And they sell a range of micro bikinis! TO say I don't get this is really an understatement. But yeah, makes no sense.

Ah well, more madness to fill this world. I mean, why not? -_-
Bang-cock! Alas, it wasn't meant to be -_-
Posted:Sep 11, 2018 10:19 pm
Last Updated:Sep 13, 2018 8:44 pm

Hola! Am awaiting for my flight back home so, nothing else to do but blog!

I flew into Bangkok on Monday and am here for work. Hang on....I feel the need to backtrack a little.

I was in Singapore two weeks ago and I bumped into a fwb of mine.. Well, we're more like each other's booty-calls. But the last we hooked up was a long time back. This was before I moved away. So I bumped into him while I was there and we kinda picked up where we left off. There was a lot of flirting and sexting each other but we never found time to meet. When I left for home, the texting continued. When I found out. I had to fly to BKK for work, I toyed with the idea of us meeting there. I was actually really really surprised when he agreed.

So I got in on Monday, went through a day of work but ended the day with my tummy feeling a bit off. I brushed it off as me not being used to the local cuisine. Takes about a day or so to get used to it, right? So he got in on Tuesday morning, and by the time we met, it was mid afternoon and what started out as a tummy ache was now a full blown food poisoning Don't know about you, but food poisoning, really kills the sexy

I was so sick I had to cancel my evening appointments and ran back to my hotel to rest. He came by and, we actually tried to get it on, but uh...having to run to the toilet every half hour does kill any mood one has. We were both kicking and cursing our luck, but he was nice enough to stay with me and brought me water and even ran out to get me some diarrhoea meds. He left earlier this morning, and as luck would have it, by the time it came for me to leave for the airport, I felt a ton better -_-

We've made plans to meet in Bali but that will have to be later in the year. Ah well...wasn't meant to be.

In the midst of lying in bed and feeling like my stomach was falling out, I was watching him going about doing his thing. At one point, he was in the toilet peeing before taking his shower. I saw him just hold his dick in his hand and pointing it like a hose, and thought, aside from sex, a big dick is really.....cumbersome. No? LOL

He's a big guy, so I suppose it's proportionate...but we're talking about an easy 11 inches of manhood schlong here. And it was just hanging there, in the shower. Maybe it's the meds, but I can't help thinking it must get in the way of a lotta things. Pretty much how big tits work with women. Right? I mean, it's really fun to play with and all, but not when I'm sick Anyways. Gotta catch my flight back.

Catch ya guys again.
And thanks for reading!
The smooth and silky?
Posted:Aug 29, 2018 9:12 am
Last Updated:Sep 7, 2018 12:07 am

I had the afternoon off...hang on, that's not right. I THOUGHT I had the afternoon off earlier today so I made an appointment at the hair saloon to get my hair cut. I went for lunch and was about to head down to the saloon when I get a call asking if I was sitting in on a meeting that I had suggested we have, but didn't include it into my calendar. So I then had to run back to the office, cancel my appointment and apologise to the hairdresser (who is an old friend of mine), sit in on a meeting that I initiated but am now not fully prepared, and perspiring like crazy. And the worst thing was, I had this line from the movie Don't Mess With The Zohan in my head, "you want the smooth and silky?"

I have no idea why, I didn't even watch the movie in its entirety, just caught snippets of it here and there. But that was popping in my head the whole afternoon. "You want the smooth and silky?" Fuck.

I'm thinking its the lack of sleep. I'm barely hitting 5 hours every night. I'm not sure if I should be complaining, so officially, this is NOT a complain. Its mostly self-inflicted. This week has been long, work wise. Early starts and late endings and all that. But when I get back to my room, what I should be doing is sleep, but since I like mixing pleasure with work so much, having the boyfriend around, we don't do a lot of sleep either

Again, don't get me wrong, as tiring as it is, getting back tired, getting jumped in the shower, being woken up countless times in the middle of the night for a romp or two (or five or six), it feels fucking great! hahahaa
I suppose great fucking IS fucking great. Feels like I'm 22 again. LOL. although I am pretty sure I need a holiday to recover from this

Speaking of youth, here's another 3-degree separation incident. I was in the train one morning (and FYI, rush hour is a BITCH!!! I literally had forgotten about it after moving away, but fuck me! Rush hour is madness!!) I saw another ex of mine. No, not the same one from the previous blog. This one was from waaaaaay back, when I was in school. First year in Uni. We went back to campus during one of the holidays, snuck into a lecture theatre and fucked. It was a thing for us at the time cos we did it a few times. It was then that ai realise, that you really can see everyone from the front

Which brings me back to the boyfriend. I kinda feel sorry for him, on some level, cos the only sex we have is usually rough. We didn't start off having rough sex, but somehow, every time we meet, I either want him to fuck me raw, pull my hair, slap, and all that, or I want to pull his hair, tie him down, grind his face, amongst other things. I don't know if we're rushing through this phase and end up getting bored with each other, or...I dunno. He's not saying anything otherwise so....then again, he's not one to say something until it gets too much. Ah well...we'll see. I'd like to explore this chain of thoughts bit further but he's back and uh...we gotta shower

It's midweek!! I got a day and a half before I fly back to Bali so, lemme enjoy this first, eh? There will be time to ponder later

Have a good rest of the week!
More 3-degree stuff. Really. What are the odds
Posted:Aug 27, 2018 10:57 am
Last Updated:Aug 29, 2018 7:01 am

I bump into enough Singaporeans in Bali. Even if I don't bum into them, I see enough of them. We're not that far away from each other. Perfectly understandable. BUT! I've never bumped into or met anyone from Bali in Singapore. Be it local Balinese or foreigners who liven Bali. It's just not that common.

Was out at dinner with a few friends, or what I thought was a few friends, on Sunday night. There were a lot more people there than I thought. Anyways. One of my friend introduced me to this guy and we got to talking. He said he found me familiar, and after awhile, he found out that I live in Bali. He was living there for 7 years, but left about 5 years ago. A little further into the conversation and. found out that he actually was the first person to have taught me surfing! That must have been about 10 years ago! Haha!! What are the odds?!?

I can only vaguely remember him but apparently he remembers both my friend and I Apparently my friend, at the time, was one of the few people who tried surfing in a thong bottom, and he even recalled my bikini bottom falling off a few times!! LOL Good gawd that brought back memories!

OKok, I wanted to post about a few other things but it's way past 2am here and I gotta be up in less than 5 hours Fuck these work trip are the worst. Why did I agree to this again...?

Y'all have a good week now!
6 degrees?! More like 3 degrees of separation -_-
Posted:Aug 24, 2018 1:39 am
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2018 4:02 am

Hiya! I've been trying to blog now for the past week or so. I've made two entries but they've disappeared, no doubt lost in hyperspace somewhere (do people even use the term hyperspace anymore? I am such an old foggie)

But! Fuck that. Let's just move on. Sooo....baring any interruptions, this is today's entry.

I'm back in Singapore and have been for a week now. Flew in last Friday for what was supposed to be a purely leisure trip, but it has now been extended into a somewhat work trip. I was supposed to fly in for the weekend cos I'm meeting the boyfriend here. He's got a shoot here and I'm kinda tagging along. I kinda let slip that I was in town and figured I'd squeeze in some work, and it has since escalated into an extended work trip. Which is fine, I don't mind being a bit productive. So that's that.

When I got in last Friday, I met the boyfriend directly in the hotel room that he's in. I had imagined that we'd meet, embrace, and start tearing each other's clothes off in what would be a passionate, lustful embrace. Of course, fantasy vs reality was always going to be different. But wasn't expecting it to be a bit awkward. Cos it was awkward when we met. We embraced, and we sat and talked for awhile before we went out for dinner, then had a few drinks. It wasn't until late at night that we finally got going. We made up for it though cos we didn't leave the room until Sunday evening I suppose the initial awkwardness was well worth it...? Does it work that way?

I also, rather ambitiously, promised I'd take over her slot last Sunday morning for a run. It was a fun race, but the thing was, I had to meet them before the race, which was about 5am in the morning, collect her fun pack (which includes number tags, t-shirts and stuff) and run the race in her place. She had suffered some bad shin splints the week before and found out that I was going to be back the same weekend as the race, and asked me and I stupidly said yes. Anyways. Clearly, I didn't make it. I had woken up early enough, but in the time when I was supposed to have met them and ran the race, I was a little occupied riding a dick that I was rather fond of. So...I guess the D won I told them I sprained my ankle and apologised, and had to fake a limp the first half of this week just to sell the lie. THAT, is commitment

I've lived here most of my life. I've moved away a few times for extended periods of time, but mostly, I've lived here. I only moved to Bali, like...2 plus years ago...? maybe even less. Anyhow. My point is, I've been back for a week and I've been reminded again how confusing this place can be.

I didn't pack much clothes cos I wasn't planning on staying this long. (Also, I wasn't planning to be clothed a lot of the time) So I had to get some, especially if I had to go into office for a good few days. I was out shopping and I see a lotta girls in bootyshorts, which is nice. It IS hot AF here. No one bats an eyelid. But as soon as they see a nipple sticking through a t-shirt, I start getting "the look". I suppose its a give and take. Can't wine's all. heheh..

Which bring me to - a little downblouse incident - mine vs Celine.
There's an IT guy here who I've emailed on more than one occasion. We've liaised a lot since I joined and he's always been helpful. I've never met him the last few times I've been here but this time, I have. He's a nice guy. And oddly, every bit of the stereotyped "IT guy" image I have in my head. LOL. He's been helping me with a few things this past week and I keep catching him looking down my blouse. LOL. Like when I'm over at his desk and I'm bent over trying to look at the screen, I keep catching him looking down my blouse I thought, after the first few times, he'd be more cool about it, I mean, it IS the same thing, be it day one or day five. Anyhow. He needs to work on his discretion. Maybe I'll tell him

On to downblous 2. Celine is this French lady in the office. We're on the same team for a few projects, so she's been coming round to speak to me a few times. Earlier in the week, I was at my desk and she came round, bent over and was speaking to me. It must be a girl thing (like when she's speaking to another girl) cos she really wasn't bothered about it, so i really couldn't help looking but I noticed she had on a really nice, black lacy bra on. It's nice enough that I actually contemplated asking her where she got it But I think that'd be a really bad faux pas (is there ever a good faux pas?!). I'm guessing I have to let this go

Lastly, this being such a tiny place, socially as well as geographically, I bumped into an ex a few nights ago. I bumped into him over lunch, we chatted for a bit, then left. We've been each other's booty-call on more than a few occasions after we split, so the relationship has always been good. So it wasn't a huge surprise when he then texted me a few times during the day and it quickly got a bit flirty. I then bumped into his and his girlfriend that very evening when I was having dinner with the boyfriend. They were seated diagonally across me and his girlfriend had her back to me, and I was facing them. We greeted each other but said nothing else and went about our own dates, as they were.

I made it a point to not look over as much cos I really didn't want to spoil my own date. But once or twice, when I did peer over, I saw him (the ex) peeking over. Of course, I went and kinda pushed it a little. Before anything, I should add that I'm a little embarrassed by this. Towards to end of our meal, I excused myself and went to the ladies and removed my panties. I came back to my seat, hiked my skirt up a little higher than necessary and angled myself so I was facing the ex at his table. The thought of what I was doing kinda got me a bit excited so while we were sharing an ice-cream, I told the boyfriend to stretch out his hand under the table and I passed him my underwear. He saw it, and laughed, and promised to do all sorts of things to me. So we were giggling like a bunch of teenagers at our tables and at the corner of my eye, I see the ex's girlfriend getting up and walking towards the washroom. I faced the boyfriend again but turned my hips to face the ex, and uncrossed my legs and kept it apart for a good half minute before the boyfriend and I got up and left.

By the time we settled our bill and walked out, we passed the ex and his girlfriend at their table and we said our brief goodbyes and we left. By the time we got back to our room, I had all but forgotten about it cos the boyfriend and I were really going at it. I got up the next morning and check my hone and I got 8 msgs from the x at 4am in the morning telling me how he enjoyed seeing me over dinner

There's been a few back and forth raunchy texts between us but I haven't really had time to reciprocate. I'm not even sure if anything will happen with this booty call, cos I think I might be trying to balance too many things at once. I texted the husband to tell him about it and he, at least, enjoyed it Which is also a bit odd, cos the husband and I are on a sort of a break from each other, hence my trip our here. We've been arguing a lot the past few months but....we've maintained contact and are still communicating often enough so, I think it's helping.

Anyhow, it's a fucking Friday and I have to get back to work -_- I've got drinks with the team later this evening and the boyfriend (who went up to KL yesterday for another shoot) will be back tomorrow so, that's my weekend sorted. Then it's more work next week, then back to Bali. Have a good weekend y'all!!

Will post again soon.
Flashing moments
Posted:Jul 30, 2018 6:36 am
Last Updated:Aug 24, 2018 10:41 pm

HIya! Been awhile since my last blog entry. Haven't been all that inspired to blog mostly. I'd start then midway through, get distracted and then delete the entire thing. I'm on the road at the moment so, stuck in a hotel room. Might as well get out . This might be a bit haphazard but my brain is working chronologically now so, this might end up being in chronological order

I'm in HCM city in Vietnam for work and I got in late last night. Was supposed to start early this morning but the people I was supposed to meet had cancelled. I had about 2 hours of free time so I took the opportunity to treat myself a little. I took a nice long soak after breakfast, dried and creamed myself, then put a hydrating mask on and had music playing while I laid naked in bed. I must have been really relaxed cos I heard 2 knocks on my door, a lady's voice, then my room door swung open and the cleaning lady barged in. It's not like I couldn't be bothered to move, but she didn't really give me any time to respond. She comes in, sees me naked in bed with a mask on, and, get this, she just stands there with her cleaning cart holding my room door open.

I turned my head to face her and. I can see the hallway. I didn't say anything but I turned my palms up, signalling or indicating, wtf? To her credit, without skipping a beat, she asked if she could clean the room. I'm like, "yeah. Why the fuck not." I DID ask her to close the door though, which she did only after people had walked past and looked in of the mdid a double take really quickly. So I just laid there on my bed while this strange, but admittedly, kinda cool cleaning lady cleaned up my room for 5 mins. So yeah, that was this morning. LOL

Which has been somewhat of a theme in the past week. I was cooking on Friday afternoon when the husband came back from his work trip. He was carrying his own luggage and had got the cab driver to help him carry giant bottles of water. It's the ones where you overturn them onto a dispenser, so they were quite heavy. The thing is, the water dispenser was in the kitchen where I was cooking by the stove so I couldn't just leave. And I had nothing on except one of the husband's old basketball jersey. Which is essentially, a sleeveless net - it didn't cover much. The cab driver was a little awkward when he first saw me, but he definitely took a bit longer putting the second bottle in the kitchen. . Does that count as flashing?

And speaking of flashing.

I've very very recently moved out of my friend's place and back to the area where I had to move out from earlier. Sounds confusing? Yeah. Believe me, real pain in the ass. But anyhoo. It's a little further out but essentially, I'm back in the old neighbourhood, I guess. So I've been back to my regular gym and nude you classes. Had my first class since moving back over the weekend and I've been warned, well, all the students attending the class were warned of a flasher in the area. He's also been propositioning some of the ladies. I didn't pay much attention to it until after class when I was walking back to my bike. Turns out this flasher is 70+ year old man, just lurking outside and showing some of the ladies his dick. LOL

I was walking with another lady from class and he whistled to get our attention, then he used his hands to signal us over. I didn't think much of him and even joked to her how he'd literally get a heart attack if he ever found out we actually do our yoga nude. I was quite nonchalant about it all until she mentioned he actually flashed himself to a 9 year old girl and her mom a few weeks before. Then I got really angry and was about to turn around to see if he was still watching us but he was gone. So yeah. Now we have a flasher around. -_-

Onto something little more....light hearted but still equally irritating - I went for a massage a few weeks back. It was full body massage that was part of a day spa. That's relevant cos not a lot of massage places actually get you fully nude for full body massage these days. But anyways. It was a full body massage and I did mine nude. It was good, the massage, I feel I should add that. But yes, massage. The message therapist was massaging my lower back and glutes cos I was complaining to her how they were really tight. At one point she was massaging my butt and she was massaging outwards and she invariably pulled my asscheeks apart. The massage, like I mentioned earlier, felt great. The sensation of having your butt cheeks pulled apart and have a cold...not cold. But cooler air blow up my ass as my butt cheeks were pulled apart, at the time, really irritated me, for some reason.

It's like fucking doggystyle and the guy grabs handfuls of your ass and not only squeezes, but pulls at the same time. You get that splitting feeling that, when not aroused, doesn't feel so nice. It's funny too cos when aroused, especially if the guy's hands are big, its fucking hot. I think cos that's usually followed by feeling him slam into me and feeling his balls slam into me hard. And times, well, most times, I like that But yes, I'm gonna add this to the list of things (and there are many for this list is long) that are usually fine when aroused, but the exact opposite when not aroused.

And on that sour note, I gotta run. Thanks for reading
Will try and post a lil more.
Paid to get laid..?
Posted:Jul 19, 2018 11:24 pm
Last Updated:Aug 13, 2018 5:04 am

Hi all. It's been a pretty rough week. It didn't start too well cos the last weekend didn't end too well. Seems like the rough patch just keeps on keeping on. Anyhow. A couple things on my mind so let's get round to this and I'll try and keep it short.

This morning kinda sums up my entire week, actually. I had a call at 6am this morning with the US office. It ran up til about 8am and I had decided to take the morning off and ride an hour to the beach. It's been weeks since I've felt sand between my toes so I figured with the rough week and all, I could use a few hours of me time. I threw on a pink bikini top and black bottom, shorts, a yellow t-shirt, towel, water bottle, coffee mug, and made the ride. Of course, such as things are, it fucking poured on my way out, literally right after I turned onto the main road -_-

I was drenched by the time I found space on the side of the road to stop so I didn't, and continued on to the beach. The beach was uneventful, which was nice. It wasn't all that quiet, but I found a spot and managed to soak some sun so, that was fun. What wasn't fun, on top of the cold and wet ride, was finding out that I had spilled half my coffee onto myself. I felt something warm on my thigh riding, but ignored it. When I got there, half my coffee was gone, my shorts are stained, and I got coffee-pussy (blech). LOL. The swimwear and shorts are all soaking now so...I'm hoping the stains wash off.

So aaaaaanyhow. I was texting an old friend of mine while at the beach. I used to share a place with her when we both started working. She used to be a very successful social escort way back then. I always found that interesting. I know her fairly well so I know it's not a walk in the park as far as jobs come. I remember I used to ask her for pointers Best piece of advice I've got from her (and I've had lots from her), gargling with coconut oil if I wanna deep throat a large dick. LOL I didn't realise it at the time but that advice came in really handy a few years after
Anyway, she's married with 5 kids now, so....we're planning a meet up. Probably when I get back to SG.

That conversation then prompted a secondary memory flashback. On my way back up I remember I actually took payment for sex once. I didn't know better at the time. I blogged about it in an old post, but it was one of my tutors actually. We were all out at a party and he showed up and admittedly, he was quite charming (at the time) and one thing led to another and we ended up in bed. He then gave me cash. I was stunned at the time. I didn't know what else to do, so I took it. I was ashamed for a long time, then angry for a much longer time. I'm past it now and have actually seen him a few times over the years. I honestly feel nothing now, for him or his actions. At one point, I actually felt ashamed for him. Ah well... I suppose we all live and learn.

I've been brought to clubs where there were male escorts, but I honestly have never paid to get laid. Not a direct transaction-is kinda way. I've also been propositioned a few times. Never accepted. I just don't find that sexy at all. I dunno.

Can't be just me, right?
Have you paid for sex? Have you accepted cash for sex?
The disparity is disturbing. Lack of effort? I think so...
Posted:Jul 17, 2018 11:42 pm
Last Updated:Aug 13, 2018 5:05 am

Headed into town today and was reminded why I make it a point to not want to head into town😝. It’s hot AF, crowded and just....too friggin frantic for my liking. (Then again, I haven’t had the best of weeks so.... acting like an cranky fart. And yes, very much aware of that)

Anyhow, running through what I need to do in town and one thing I’ve noticed is how in some couples, particularly the ones that are have been dating for awhile but not long, and ones where the guys are older than the girls. I hate to stereotype and I KNOW generalising here, but the females look like they bothered putting something nice on, and the males just simply, don’t. not saying one is more attractive than the other although sometimes that’s the case, but it really appears like the males, or those males, just can’t simply care about being presentable. Like really? I know it’s got nothing to do with me but I found myself getting irritated and agitated by it😊

A couple just walked past and the lady was in a nice dress, and the guy was in a tshirt that didn’t fit and shorts that look like they belong in a bedroom. Like come on! A lil effort pls...?

I know I know...none of my business. For all I know she might like em sloppy....?😳. being a real cranky puss. Rant over. Gonna continue skulking on my own. Hope your weekend went well. If you must know (I know you don’t, but gonna tell you anyway🤪), mine sucked. Not in any good way. Sucked in a not-satisfying way. Boo!
So many questions, so little answers
Posted:Jul 14, 2018 12:41 am
Last Updated:Aug 13, 2018 5:06 am

Hooberstank. I just heard them through the speakers at the gym this morning. They didn't stink. I wonder who Hoober is? And do I now refer to them as a one-hit wonder? I'm sure they had other hits...I just don't know them. Would they then be counted as hits? I wonder if they're still around...soo many questions....

I unearthed an old pair of Nike workout tights this morning and wore them to the gym. I left the house thinking they fit really nicely, and was so proud of myself for finding them again. Kinda like a new buy, yet not. Warmed up, still, the tights felt great. Midway through the workout, it all came back to me, why I had put them away. I was doing intervals today and one box jump after another, my tights started sliding down. So I tugged them up, and folded the top down. I had to fold it down twice and it was still loose. No big deal, right? I got through the workout and was on my own warming down and I caught my own reflection in the mirror and thought, yeah. Cos I had pulled my tights so far up it was literally hugging every crevice of my ass. And I thought, yeah....made my butt look great! LOL

I found a space on the floor to stretch and midway through that, it hit me. Cos I've been tugging my tights up my ass, the front would have been tugged up too. And lo-and-behold, cameltoe I thought about it for 2 seconds before deciding to fuck it. I was done anyway, so I took another 10 minutes to finish my stretch before hitting the showers. Which brings me to:

Super hairy lady
I stepped out of the showers and was greeted (ok, maybe wasn't greeted. But it certainly caught my attention) by the biggest bush ever. Like Amazonian jungle bush. Forest. She looked like she was in her late 40s. And strangely enough, I felt a little self conscious. Me and my hairless pussy. LOL It's super strange cos I've never felt that way before....but for some reason, seeing that jungle made me self conscious. Ah well.

Then to make things worse, I felt like I had to go talk to her about it. I felt compelled to. Like I wanted to ask her if she trips it. Like how long has she left it to grow? Has she ever taken it off? I texted the husband, who was waiting outside for me, telling him about it. And he told me to NOT approach her. lol. Apparently it's socially a "faux pas" to approach another gym goer nude in the lower room.
I wanted to, but I didn't. Now those questions will forever go unanswered...

Mutual cheating
Oh! Moving on to something a lil more....freaky. Well, to me at least. I've been catching up with an old friend of mine this past week. Just messaging each other on the phone. It came up that she was married now, so I asked if she married the guy she was with when we were working together. Turns out, she didn't marry that boyfriend of her. I then found out (well, she told me....I didn't pry. I swear ) that they had dated for a few years, and had serially cheated on each other.

It came to a point where it was tit-for-tat, and it just kept escalating. So in the end, she sat him down and asked him if he wanted t settle down. If they did, the cheating had to stop. She even suggested an open relationship, and all things considered, I thought it was where they were headed anyway. He then told her he can't settle down with her cos he can't trust her. -_- Like seriously? But I guess it was fair enough. If he can't move past what was already done, then I guess its never gonna work.

And THEN, here comes the kicker, she sends me a family photo, and I find that the current husband, looks very much like her ex!! Fuck! This is x-files shit. But I guess if you know you like a certain type, the nall your partners are all gonna be looking alike...right?

Shit....this is some thick, Freudian thingamajig. Too much for a weekend. I'm just gonna leave it here.

What I will squeeze in is a little gripe. Left my last blog pointing out quite inconspicuously how I needed a good fuck. Well, sad to say that hasn't happened. Ive got one more opportunity to get that right tonight cos the husband leave tomorrow for a pretty long work trip.

Now, as simple as that may seem, I am caught in a quandary. The husband has been cranky AF the last week. Moody and basically acting like a complete jerk. I'd like to address his behaviour of the past weeks, but that would require time and energy. IF we do this, it could go completely south and fuck up (poor choice of words, I know) any chance of a good fuck. IF it goes well, it would also sap both our energies and potentially ruin the chance of a good fuck. IF I let it be, or try and let it go, we go about with our lives like the past week didn't happen, then I may be able to...manoeuvre us into a situation where I actually can finally get a good fuck. But will I be able to truly enjoy it, feeling like I've been treated poorly?

Know what I mean? Shit. Gotta think fast on this one. Ok, I'm out. Got my work cut out for me.
Again, thanks for reading y'all. I'm out.
Dumbass moments - dontcha just love them :P
Posted:Jul 12, 2018 11:05 pm
Last Updated:Aug 14, 2018 8:07 pm

Hola! I WAS gonna start by bitching about a few things but its a Friday and I think we could all use LOT less negativity heading into the weekend. So no bitching. I'll try not to anyway. In stead, collating some of the pretty dumb stuff I've been guilty of the past few weeks.

Inappropriately dressed:
This one is bad....but, at the very east, I wasn't alone . We got invited to a party at a friend's place. It was World Cup themed, so we were supposed to come dressed according to the teams we supported. I watch football (that's soccer to my North American readers) but I had no idea the who, what, where and why of the World Cup as far as teams go, so I ran with France. Only cos I had a little French maid outfit.

Now here we were, both the husband and I thinking it was "that" kind of a party. His idea of a costume was to bring a jar of Belgian chocolate spread and use it on himself when the clothes came off. So aside from a jar of otherwise inconspicuous spread, he was dressed normal. I on the other hand, was in a full regalia French maid outfit. Luckily, I had thrown on a t-shirt on top just so I wouldn't make the journey there too awkward. But yeah. When we got there, we realised, it was just a gathering to watch football A lot of the other people there even brought their kids along. LOL

Now of COURSE the husband and I didn't say anything to anyone. We just had to fend off questions about my "interesting skirt" We caught the first half of the first match. I can't even remember who played cos we cooked up some excuse and ran home. We're still laughing about it

Nosy neighbour:
This one's on-going. This is super embarrassing on a personal level but...fuck it. It is what it is
We've moved in with a friend while we're still sorting out our living arrangements. Living next to us is a family. I have no idea how many of them live there, or how they look like beyond that cos I've never seen them before. I've only heard them leaving the house or coming back in the evening. Anyhow. What got me intrigued by them was seeing their laundry one afternoon. I was passing their place and they had their laundry out in their yard, which I can look into on my way out.

I saw a few pretty large bras. Like the cup sizes were huge. I then noticed some regular sized panties. I had walked past their place when it hit me. Like what does this person look like? Large tits?!? How unproportionate can this person be? Right? I mean, I suppose it "could" be two different people. But still. THAT got the nosy neighbour in me awake and I've been trying to sneak a peek at how they actually look like. LOL
Yes yes yes.....I know. a busybody

Porn before gym:
This one is beyond dumb. I was complaining to a friend I work out with about how tired I was. This was sometime last week. He then suggested a few things like an energy drink or coffee. I was like, yeah...ok. Then, he suggested watching some porn before my workout. Like wait....what?! He then told me he read somewhere about how increase testosterone/estrogen levels actually help with a boost in energy. It all sounded plausible. So I gave it a try.

All it ended up doing was making me distracted, and then subsequently frustrated the entire evening. First off, I had to actually find something that.....did it for me. That took awhile First I had to figure out what kind of mood I was in, etc etc. Once I got that down, I watched it for a bit and...yeah, I got down with it. It got me going. Then I had to stop cos it was time to go. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to keep the arousal or could I rub one out...? Either way, I didn't have time. Went to the gym, and all I could think of was how badly I wanted to fuck. Which then prompted me to think of the time I was in the club in China with the boyfriend and his two friends. And I think, at this moment, there's nothing hotter than leaving the club with 3 guys.

I think it's the knowing I want to go back and fuck each of their brains out, and yet not knowing if it was going to happen. The flirting and arousal from the entire evening, and the anticipation. Anyways. Yea, so THAT memory came jogging back. And all this while I was trying to lift and run and jump and shit? Nah-uh. Nope. Didn't work out for me. So that was a washout. I was horny. Then I was mildly tired, but didn't really get a full workout so that felt...incomplete. Then I went back and got pretty furious in the shower and still ended up not fully satisfied. Last time trying that

So there we go. Dumbass moments. It's the weekend so, let's hope things pick up.
And as usual, thanks for reading and let's hope we all get laid. I could use a good fuck. Like seriously
Weird confessions on sex addiction and masturbation...?
Posted:Jul 6, 2018 2:01 am
Last Updated:Jul 12, 2018 9:39 pm

This is gonna be weird. And embarrassing. Mostly cos it's....somewhat true. But also cos I've always thought I was more discreet and in control. Anyhow. This covers several things.

Let's start with this. The husband and I have been out and about a fair bit this week checking out potential places to move into. We're currently housing at a friend's place and, while nice, it's....not the same. And quite frustrating and tiring living out of boxes. So we've been actively searching and we've seen some nice places. But I digress. We've been out and about, and this morning he finally told me to dial it down. To relax and keep it under control. I had no idea what the fuck he was on so, I asked.

Apparently, not as discreet as I thought I was when checking people out. So every place we went, he was naming the people that I was actively checking out. And the worst thing was, he was right. I WAS checking them out. But I had thought I was more discreet than that. I didn't know or realise that I was doing it blatantly. The husband wasn't pissed though, just...very matter of fact. Which makes it a lot more embarrassing. Fuck ... I gotta learn some skills for self control

Moving on to the next item on the list. And this one, he was pissed. Rightly so...? Yeah. Anyhow.

Backstory - my first trip to China for work this , the boyfriend had flew in and met me there. It wasn't planned, and the bf didn't inform me til late so I didn't inform the husband. I ended up hooking up with the bf during the trip and even met some of his friends and we had a good, fun time. Like group-action fun time. The husband wasn't pleased with it in the beginning but we talked it out and we made it work. We even facetimed for awhile while I was with the bf and his friends. Apparently its "a thing". But anyhow, that was that.

My second trip into China I had made plans to meet up with the bf again, and hopefully his friends too. But that didn't turned out as planned (in one of my previous post). More importantly, I had neglected to inform the husband that I was going to meet the bf again. After. Got back, he didn't ask so I kinda didn't mention it. It somehow came up the week after and then it kinda blew up in my face. I gotta hold my hands up on this one. It was my fault for not informing. I get it

The conversation that followed though, cut a little deeper. He's convinced I've got a sex addiction problem. Like seriously. I've always thought it was something people use as an excuse when they get caught cheating. I don't think I have a problem. I DO try and have a LOT of sex, but its with people that in a committed relationship with. Like if all my relationships fail, not gonna just run out and fuck the first stranger.....actually, hang on. Let's not go there.

But in any case, THAT conversation we had is actually making re-think a lotta things. So I dunno...we'll have to review this. I mean, that's why I blog, right? Therapy of sorts. That's that though.

Onto something a little more....personal preference-ish. This , I have found, I have had a lot more anal sex than I usually have. Definitely more than last . Like....we are 7 months into the . I've had more anal sex in the first 6 months of this than I've had the whole of last . Waaaay more. Like prep work and all. Seriously getting into it. One main reason is cos, well....I like it Like I've always been a fan, but this ...I dunno, I really like it. So much so that recently, I've found that I even need something in my ass when I masturbate.

I used to think that if I need to, I can just rub one out in the bathroom. No big deal. Gawd damn it. AM I now one of those people who HAVE to have something else going on to masturbate? Like does masturbation now need to be an event? Fuck I hope not. That can be tiring. LOL

Ah's the weekend so....(whatever that means )
sure Ill at least figure that last bit out. The rest? Might take a bit longer. Once again, thanks for reading y'all!
Hope you have a good weekend, and, as always, hope you get laid!
Why I’m swearing off underwear😣
Posted:Jun 30, 2018 8:47 pm
Last Updated:Jul 10, 2018 11:17 am

So i moved. 😑. It’s neother a “yay” or a “nay” at the moment, cos we’re actually living st a friends place for the time being while we sort our own shit (a more permanent accommodation) out. Jury’s still out though. It’s a nice enough place (I AM grateful for a place to stay for now) but I’m just not feeling it. Plus it IS quite unsettling living out of a few boxes.

Anyhow. Since this is not home, I’ve had to be clothed a lot more. I just realised how much less washing I had to do before cos I was nude most of the time when I’m home. We moved in yesterday officially and I e already gone through a few set of clothes. See, here’s the problem for those not living in this climate - humidity.

Humidity is also the reason I’m not gonna wear underwear anymore.

Okok, that was a stretch. I will continue to wear underwear on some occasions, but mostly, I won’t. It usually goes between hot AF and rain here, a few times in a day, fluctuating between the two. And I’m sweating through my underwear like a broken faucet. Not funny. So yeah, if I’m gonna have to be clothed at “home” now, I’m not bothering with underwear. Fuck that😝. I DO need to wear a bra though, that much I e resigned to. Well, “modesty” is one thing, but age has dictated that my tits move in directions that I disagree with.

Someone told me this years ago, wear a bra or your breasts will sag. Did I listen then? Nope. So I Guess I shouldn’t be all mad with gravity. But still. Fuck you gravity🤪. Which reminds me, I need more bras🙄

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